Couples Therapy, In Santa Clara and Online Across California
For when the two of you keep ending up in the same place.
You already know how this argument ends
Often it isn’t one big thing. It’s the same argument, years in, wearing different clothes. You know the opening line, the middle, and exactly where it lands. It happens anyway.
Or nothing is wrong, exactly. You’re kind to each other. You run the household well. You just don’t reach for each other anymore, and neither of you wants to be the first to say so out loud.
What people come in with
- The same fight on repeat, about something that was never really the subject
- An affair, a hidden account, a secret that came out, or one that hasn’t
- You became parents, and somewhere in there you stopped being a couple
- One of you wants more closeness, one of you wants more room, and you each feel like the unreasonable one
- A decision you can’t make together: a move, a job, a baby, a parent who needs care
- Sex has turned into a scoreboard, or a subject you both route around
- You’re trying to decide whether to stay
Usually one person books the appointment and the other agrees to come. That’s a normal way to start.
What happens in couples therapy
Your therapist won’t decide who’s right, and won’t be the tiebreaker you’ve each been quietly hoping for. The work is to slow the conversation down enough that you can both hear what’s underneath it.
The fight about the dishes, the text message, or your mother is usually also a question about whether you still matter to each other. That’s the level we work at.
The first session is mostly history and orientation: how you met, when things shifted, and what each of you is hoping for. Your therapist may occasionally meet with one partner individually when it serves the work. From there, we look for the pattern and start interrupting it.
Change usually starts small. One of you stops halfway through the opening line. Someone says what they were actually afraid of. One night, you reach for each other.
If your partner won’t come
You don’t need your partner in the room to work on your relationship.
People come alone when a partner refuses, when they’re deciding whether to leave, when the same pattern has followed them through three relationships, or when the relationship that’s hurting is with a parent, a sibling, or an adult child. That work can change things at home. You can start with individual therapy.
The right therapist for the two of you
A therapist who is excellent with individuals isn’t automatically the right person to sit between two people mid-argument. Fit matters more here than in almost any other kind of therapy.
When you reach out, we’ll ask what’s going on and match you with the therapist on our team best suited to it. If the fit isn’t right after a session or two, tell us and we’ll help you switch. It’s a normal request.
Meet our therapists · Full-day couples intensive · South Asian couples and in-laws
How to get started
- Have a free 15-minute conversation. Either of you can call. Tell us what’s going on, and we’ll tell you whether we’re the right fit.
- Get matched. We pair you with a therapist based on what the two of you need.
- Start sessions. Meet online from anywhere in California, or in person at our Santa Clara office, close to San Jose, Sunnyvale, Campbell, Cupertino, Milpitas, and Mountain View. See billing and fees.
Before you reach out
Nothing is really wrong with us. Is couples therapy still useful?
Yes. Distance is easier to work on before it hardens into resentment. You don’t need a crisis to want things to be better between you.
Does couples therapy work if only one of us wants to be here?
It can. Many couples start with one person more willing than the other. Your therapist will take both of your concerns seriously, including any doubts about being there.
How many sessions will this take?
It depends on what you’re working on and how long the pattern has been there. Your therapist will talk with you both about how it’s going, and you can decide together how long to continue.
Can we do this online?
Yes, as long as you’re both in California during the session. How online therapy works
We’re not married. Is this still for us?
Yes. You don’t need to be married, living together, or sure about the future to come in.
What if one of us feels unsafe?
Please tell us privately. If there is violence or fear at home, couples therapy may not be the safest place to start, and we’ll help you think through other support. You can also reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.
Do you take insurance?
We’re a private-pay practice and don’t bill insurance. You’ll know the cost before anything starts.
You can book before your partner says yes
We’ll start with you, and you can decide everything else after the call.
If you’re in crisis, call or text 988, or call 911.